NonSociety – Live Differently. Julia Allison Internet Enthusiast

Following My Lifecast: Here's a glimpse into my life. Scroll to the right to view chronologically, and click 'earlier' to see more.

Jan 04, 08 2:22am
Can I just say that it is so refreshing to come across someone so….raw. I really admire you for being so real. No filter, no bullshit, no front…just you. I applaud you. It takes courage and a whole lot of heart, I know. You would make a perfect lesbian…for real.

reader Mari

Dear Mari,

I don’t think I’m so raw. I feel like I’m covering all sorts of stuff up, and it alternatively pisses me off and frustrates me and saddens me that I can’t just say what I’m really thinking, because people will judge me for my motives. But you know what? I tried to take the high road and people STILL called me a monster. So maybe what people need is the truth. Maybe they need to know what really fucking happened.

So, fuck it. Here goes. Was my holiday break as perfect as it seemed? Yes and no. My family was wonderful, and that’s what I posted. What I didn’t post were all the times when I felt like total shit. When I cried myself to sleep on Christmas eve. When I found out that he had hooked up with one of my close friends - and then told her not to tell me although he “didn’t think I would care.” When I saw a half-naked photo of him on another girl’s blog - 48 hours after he had texted me - on Christmas - that we were “perfect for each other.” When he told me, today, that “you know you won’t get anyone better.” Yes, that’s an exact quote.

My god, do I feel like the ass here. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me seventeen times, shame on me.

Am I mad?  Of course I’m fucking mad.  Because I gave him every benefit of the doubt, and more.  You know what?  FUCK THAT. 

I’m sorry it took me this long to wake the hell up. It won’t happen again.